Discover why putting yourself first is crucial for your well-being. Learn how self-prioritization can enhance mental health, relationships, and productivity. Explore tips to set boundaries and overcome guilt in self-care.
Does the thought of putting yourself first conjure images of self-centered villains like Regina George inMean Girlsor Miranda Priestly inThe Devil Wears Prada?
The truth is that prioritizing your physical, emotional, andmental healthcould be one of the best things you do for yourself and everyone else. It’s like that airplane oxygen mask analogy: When you put on your own mask first, you can help secure your neighbor’s.
If you’re used to giving, giving, giving, you might initially feel uncomfy aboutputting yourself first. But you got this!
Keep reading to learn why self-prioritization is so tough, plus how to startsetting boundariesand becoming the main character of your life.
Numero uno: Why it’s important to put yourself first
On the most basic level, putting yourself first means prioritizingself-love.
“Treating yourself with love causes a positive ripple effect,” says licensed social workerKimberly Parker, Ph.D.
In a family, she says, it might look like aparentputting themself first to truly show up for their partner and kids. By tending to your needs first, you’re able to care forthe fam(orfriends!) out of love instead of obligation,resentment, or evenguilt.
In a2019 study, for example, researchers found that student nurses sometimes neglect their own well-being while training to look after others. This reduced their effectiveness when providing care to patients.
Bottom line? Prioritizing yourself first can improve your:
But why is putting yourself first so tough?
So many reasons!
A2022 reviewboiled down the most common reasons people struggle with self-care:
Then there’s this:
Prioritizing is challenging if you’re used to neglecting your needs to look out for someone else’s. Centering yourself might even feel — gasp! — selfish.
Parker says folks with a “giver personality” (you know the ones) easily fall prey to cycles of guilt andshame. Some might feel that if they don’t sacrifice all of themselves, they’ll be viewed as a bad person.
But there’s a false dichotomy at play here. Parker says the dictionary defines “selflessness” as being unselfish — in other words, not only caring for yourself. There’s a middle ground between being a doormat and an egotistical diva.
When you release the guilt, shame, and impossible standards you set for yourself, you’re finally able to give yourself the respect and compassion you deserve. And if prioritizing yourself dredges up major guilt and shame, take that as a sign that you need to reassess yourboundariesand start taking better care of yourself.
How to start putting yourself first
In a2021 review, researchers definedself-careas “the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being.”
Here are a few ways to start doing this:
Parker encourages clients to create their own “Assertive Bill of Rights” — no law degree required. For example, you might declare that you “have the right to say no and not feel guilty about it.” (Truth.)
She says that writing out your rules and safeguards for self-care is especially important for those who struggle toset boundariesfor themselves or others.
How to release guilt and shame about putting yourself first
Tbh, releasing lingering guilt and shame about self-care is a whole life’s work.
Parker goes back to the point of selfishness vs. selflessness. “Many of my clients do not know the difference,” she says.
If you’re still struggling to find the pocket of balance between selfishness vs. selflessness, she has some recommendations:
Bottom line
Putting yourself first simply means not neglecting your own needs. When you care for your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being, you’re better set up to take care of others, too.
To get started,be kind to yourself! Then sethealthy boundaries, care for your well-being, and make time for what you love. If you’re struggling, consider therapy oran affordable or free mental health resource.
