Ah, the honeymoon phase — those early days in arelationshipwhen everything islovey-dovey. Your partner’s weird quirks are cute instead of cringey. Your boo can do no wrong.
Some couples live in the honeymoon stage for a month, while others make it last for years. But regardless of how long it lasts, the honeymoon stage will end. And feelings ofdepressionafter the honeymoon stage can be brutal.
So, what’s next? And can the honeymoon phase’s end cause lastingdepression?
We chatted withrelationship expertsto learn more about how to deal with the post-honeymoon stage blues.
What is the honeymoon phase?
Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, describes the honeymoon phase (technical name:limerence) as the intense period in a relationship when you feel consumed with each other.
“You long to be together all the time, feel high excitement, and have changes in neurochemistry consistent with all that intensity,newness, excitement, and passion,” Saltz says.
Dr. Carla Manly, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert in Santa Rosa, California, says honeymoon phases can happen in early dating and the time just before or after a wedding.
What comes after the honeymoon phase in a relationship?
First things first: Not every relationship has a honeymoon phase, according to Saltz. But for those that do, what comes next?
“A more realistic view of your partner and the relationship set in,” says Saltz. “This is the time when couples should work on increased and better communication. Creating this foundation will help you deal with issues that you now notice pop up. Thisnext periodis filled with more compromise, negotiation, deeper knowledge of the other, morecommunication, and a different type ofintimacy.”
Manly describes the post-honeymoon season as when partners must decide whether they’re comfortable with the reality of their partner and relationship. You’ve basically got 3 options:
Depression after the honeymoon stage: Here’s why it happens
Depression after the honeymoon stage can be summed up in a word: Disillusionment.
“When the illusions of what ‘could be’ or what was hoped for and envisioned fall away, depression can set in,” says Manly.
“You thought you had Superman, Brad Pitt, and Albert Einstein all rolled into one, but now you realize you have a mortal man,” agrees Saltz. “This realization can make you feel low.”
Of course, feeling bummed about your partner’s faults is not the same thing as clinical depression. Saltz says the post-honeymoon blues simply feel likedepressioncompared to your recent euphoria.
What you can do about depression after the honeymoon stage
Watching the sun set on your honeymoon stage sucks. But if your relationship doesn’t suck, you can enter this lesslust-filled, more love-centered season with grace and excitement. Deepening your relationship is rewarding, after all.
Here’s how you may address feelings of depression and keep your relationship strong as itshifts.
Reflect and reach out
In many cases, post-honeymoon phase depression can be addressed through psychotherapy and deeppersonal reflection.
“Coming to terms with reality and finding the next beststep is something that can be difficult to do, so reaching out for support is important and often essential,” says Manly.
This is especially true if you’re experiencingclinical depression. Bonafide depression is a big deal, and it requires treatment. Considertherapyfirst — and remember that there aremental health resourcesto help if you don’t have access to therapy.
Invest in the relationship
“Stop comparing before to now, and work on making now better for yourself,” suggests Saltz.
Some suggestions for deepening the relationship in this new season:
Address issues head-on
Regardless of the stage of your relationship, it’s important to address whatever’s causing feelings of depression, says Manly.
“If there is aloss of passionor interest insex, it’s essential thatpartners talk about the issuesrather than ignoring them,” she says.
She says it’s common for one or both partners to experience a lack ofemotional connectionin the post-honeymoon phase. “Again, couples can move forward, but only by addressing the causes that are leading to the sense of disconnection,” she explains.
Sensing the end of a relationship’s honeymoon stage can make you sad as hell. No one wants to feel red-hot passion turn into a slow simmer.
You’re not alone if you feel the post-honeymoon stage blues.
If your relationship is generally rewarding and worth pursuing, you can keep it healthy with a little effort, open communication, and mutual compromise.
You can also address feelings of depression with therapy and outside support. And ifsymptoms of depressionhave affected daily life for 2 weeks or more, talk with your doctor or mental health professional.
