Fans have been divided on whether to see Greta Gerwig’s hot pink fever dream, based on her favorite childhood toy, or Christopher Nolan’s drearily dark dramatic biopic about the man “who became Death,” or both. With the wildly differentBarbieandOppenheimerboth taking over the box office on the same day, it might be hard for some to choose which to see.
Well, for those indecisive who can’t make it to both, we’ll make it easier for you to learn all the spoilers and big reveals fromBarbiewithout even having to watch the movie. Whether you want to punish a friend for not catching the iconic dolls coming to life, want to read all about the real juicy bits, simply don’t have the time but want to know what’s going on with Barbie and Ken all on one site, or don’t want risk to your dignity seeing a literal doll movie, then you’re in the right place. So here is every single spoiler fromBarbie.
Barbie Finds Out She’s Not Real
Opening with a parody of2001: A Space Odyssey,the Narrator (Helen Mirren) reveals that the Barbie doll has existed since the dawn of girlhood, and no girl can do without, and they reside in the hot pink town of Barbieland, separated from the real world.
In a total flip of the old patriarchal societies, Barbieland is matriarchal. Girls rule, literally. Here, the Barbies do everything as they occupy every job position, as there’s a President Barbie, Supreme Court Barbie, Physicist Barbie, Doctor Barbie, Writer Barbie, Diplomat Barbie, Journalist Barbie, and Mermaid Barbie – though we’re not sure what the last one really does. And all the Kens simply exist as underlings.
In this perfect world, Stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie), the supposedly perfect doll, starts to reflect on her own mortality when things stop being so perfect. Her shower’s cold, there’s some mysterious cellulite on her body, and she can’t float anymore. So at the advice of her other Barbies, sheseeks out some wisdom.
Barbie and Ken Escape Into the Real World
Barbie soon meets Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), who has cut her hair and drawn all her face, living reclusively doing splits. She explains to Barbie that there might be something going on in the real world with the girl who plays with her, and she must set out to find out what is going on with her.
Faced with aMatrixparody ofred pill vs. blue pillusing a pink high heel slipper and a brown flat sandal, Barbie must choose between her perfect pink paradise or understanding the real world. Weird Barbie makes her choose reality. So Barbie drives her way out of Barbieland, accompanied by a stowaway Ken (Ryan Gosling).
Related:Cillian Murphy Open to Joining Barbie 2 As a Ken
Barbie Learns About Beauty, Ken Learns About Patriarchy
Making it to the real world of Venice Beach in Los Angeles, Barbie ends up harassed by several men before being arrested, and we learn that she doesn’t actually have all her lady parts, while Ken feels valued for the first time ever. They split, where Barbie learns about beauty from an old lady, and Ken learns about patriarchy from some dudes.
Barbie runs into a young girl names Sasha (Arianna Greenblatt), who says she no longer plays with Barbies because they incorporate unrealistic beauty standards in a statement pretty highbrow for a middle-schooler before she ends up at Mattel, the real-life toy company which makes the Barbies.
Ken Takes Over Barbieland
Barbie meets the Mattel CEO (Will Ferrell), who tries to convince Barbie to get in a big box and everything will be the way it was. But Barbie refuses and makes a quick getaway with Sasha’s mom Gloria (America Ferrera), and they make a run for it.
When the three return to Barbieland, they find that Ken has brought the patriarchy and made the place into his Kendom, indoctrinating the Kens into superior and bro-like and the Barbies into subservient servants. Despite Barbie’s pleas, Ken refuses to change because he feels more valued now, planning to change the Barbieland constitution forever, and Barbie becomes depressed.
The Barbies Team Up
Sasha and Gloria find Barbie hiding out in Weird Barbie’s house. Gloria gives Barbiean impassioned speechabout the standards that women face in the real world as basically a spiel about patriarchy, and that snaps Barbie out of her funk. Barbie then gives this same pep talk to all the Barbies to pump them up and take back Barbieland.
When reasoning with the Kens doesn’t work, the Barbies all switch up pairs to find new boyfriends to make them jealous and start fighting each other, which culminates in Ken’s mid-beach-battle “I’m Just Ken” ballad lamenting his position as second to Barbie. While all this is happening, the Barbies permanently set the Barbieland constitution in stone, cementing power.
Related:Barbie: Biggest Easter Eggs in Greta Gerwig’s Blockbuster
Barbie’s A Real Girl Now
After everything’s back to normal, Barbie and Ken talk about their relationship; Barbie lives a perfect life while Ken has always felt defined by her because it’s always been “Barbie AND Ken,” not “just Ken.” Barbie apologizes but also says that she doesn’t want to be known just as “Ken’s boyfriend.” They agree to find their own identities separate from each other, and Barbie returns to the real world.
Then the spirit of Ruth Handler (Rhea Perlman), the creator of Barbie, appears to Barbie, telling her that while humans might have an end, her story does not have to. She holds her hand and encourages her tochoose her own destiny. Barbie magically becomes a complete woman before visiting a gynecologist to finish the film.
